…aka, the slideshow I chose to dump hours upon hours (that I didn’t have) into. I REGRET NOTHING. Worth every tear I shed every time I watch it. I really searched for pictures I had forgotten I had… pictures I salvaged from the burial ground of my deactivated Facebook page (YES I was logged in for like 10 minutes! was surrealllll. 😉 )… pictures I found on Jason’s photo stream… pictures that may be blurry but flooded me with the clearest memory of that moment.
These are the years.
I don’t know why, but 4 feels so significant to me. It truly is his first birthday as a child, not as a toddler. Not as my baby. This is also coming on the verge of Jason leaving the job that he took when we were dating; and our 5th wedding anniversary in May. It feels like we are leaving not one year, but an entire season, behind.
The bittersweetness takes my breath away.
PS: I know its long, so probably no one will watch it, but it has a few of the sweetest little videos in there of baby Will!! I had to really agonize over which ones to use – Jason is a great video-taker. He has a bunch of these from the last 4 years. I cried buckets re-watching them.
Anyway, something I never realized until literally making this slideshow, was how much of a baby Will was when I had Henry. He had instantly seemed so BIG to me side by side my new infant, I no longer appreciated the baby lisps and squeaky high voice (which still managed to be raspy, his entire life – his first babbles allllll had that precious raspy quality – so I never really even noticed it til Theresa or Sarah pointed it out to me lol). Part of me felt a huge ugly pang when I watched the video in there of Will on the bed with “Baby Ehrin!”… How had I let his last few ounces of precious Babyhood slip past me unnoticed?!