Looking Backwards for a Minute

Okay. Deep breath.
I’ve been trying to get it together to write a post in the new year… 
And take down the Christmas decor… 
I took a nice little break from the blog, but I did not announce it. I went to do what most bloggers do – provide a polite, professional notice that I will not be blogging for x amount of days… but it just sounded so presumptuous! As if people will be biting their nails, sitting on the edges of their seats, worried and angered because one blogger isn’t spinning stories during the holidays. 
I love blogging for me – for the memories it preserves so much more fully – for the time capsule it feels like sometimes. I don’t pretend to feel important because others may be amused or interested in what I have to say. I know I am one drop in a huge, vast, talented bucket of bloggers. Shoot, on Bloglovin, I don’t even know how many bloggers I follow – its so much!
And most of them have cool themes and topics. And I just have, well, my life!
On New Years Eve, we announced on Facebook the news we have been giggling about for the last two months… we’re pregnant! 
We are 9 weeks along, and thanks to NFP, have known from the very beginning. I am due the first week of August, and I am so excited!
It’s been a rough past month though. I started to get really sick (the WEEK that the Duchess was hospitalized for her morning sickness, which is why I am unabashedly gleefully awaiting the announcement of an official due date – because since we both got sick at the same time, chances are there can’t be more than a week or so between our pregnancies! Eeeeeee!)… It was also the same week that my sweet tot started getting really bored playing all day with his cars. I’d be lying on the couch chewing on ice and hugging a pillow, and he’d be jumping all over me, pushing books in my face to read for the 20th time, pulling my hair, kissing my cold-sweat face. Its been a bit challenging. 
But I finally figured out how to minimize the morning sickness, for me… It involves eating carbs every two hours, no crazy exercise (besides walking and stretching), and lots of water and sleep. In other words, the Get Fat Quick method. Sadly for me, I can’t be the dainty, ladylike, vomming pregga who complains that she is just losing weight no matter what she does, and its so stressful. I am the Bloated, Fat-faced, Car-sick All the Time But Not Enough to Just Puke and Feel Better, Zero Energy and Unmotivated pregga. That’s me!
And even though I can still button my pants (most of my pants), I am not feeling hot. Which is awesome because of course, my very early pre-morning-sick pregga self thought it would be the coolest idea to do a series of chic, cheap maternity dressing for my gorgeous friend Camille’s Life in Mod. Of course. Lol. Hopefully I can pull it together enough to look ok. Maybe it will boost the self-esteem of women everywhere to see a woman who totally is not a skinny-minnie pregnant. 
Reflecting back over the past full year, I realized that 2012 has been a year of pushing. I did so much in the past year. I went from no running to running a half-marathon as my long run almost every week – and 5-8 miles as the norm other days. And without getting any injuries, I was running 5-6 days a week!
I’ve eaten the healthiest in the past year than ever before – so few processed foods, lots of nutrients, most everything prepared from scratch. I painted a room, I made curtains, Jason and I put in grass in the gray front yard of our new house. I created a routine and system for keeping my house super clean all week long. I learned how to keep Will and I busy and entertained while Jason started his MBA. We had two week long beach trips with our beloved families, we had a beach trip (sort of) just Jason and I with a convention for his work, we went on a honeymoon-like camping trip, we made new friends, reconnected with old friends, we got more involved at our church, and we saved money.
And frankly, I am so burnt out right now!
I am proud and happy looking back over the Year of Do It All. I feel like I really pushed myself and became a better person, a better wife and a better mama. But I am just. So. Tired.  
The awful first trimester of pregnancy does have one important, positive side effect. It forces you to slow your pace and immediately readjust your expectations. I started this pregnancy with the same over-acheiving attitude that I had all last year. I was gonna have a super pregnancy! I planned on running through it all, dressing super cute, and feeling healthy and slim. With a little bump. And that worked for me for about, oh 5 weeks. I woke up one morning after a day of doing two workouts, an hour long interval run and all the laundry… and I literally couldn’t move. I cried and cried and I didn’t even know why. I was so tired and I felt so terribly nauseous, and I could not do anything all day but lie on the couch with saltines. 
The biggest blow to my ego was undoubtedly the fact that I couldn’t eat anything healthy that I had enjoyed before. All vegetables, proteins, even my trusty Ezekiel bread, made me want to vom at the sight or smell. I had to finally swallow my pride and eat – gasp – white stuff. It helped immensely. 
Also, when I stopped trying to be a pregnant athlete, the sickness went down even more. I know, I follow tons of mom-bloggers that are such superwomen that they have to work out to feel better during the first tri… or they have to cook from scratch all non-processed foods to not get sick… And I am so disappointed about it, but I am not one of them! 
I feel so much better with a Kindle on the sofa, curled in a blanket, nibbling on crackers all day. That is just that.
So I think this coming year is going to be a year of peace and rest and just contented quiet. I am so ready for it! 
Especially after I found these beautiful pictures from our first year with Will, in 2011. We got Jason’s real camera set up on our new Mac, and finally got to enjoy all these gorgeous photos. 
It made my heart throb with pure joy. That year was slow and quiet – just Jason and I getting used to Sweet Little Will, going for long walks in the sunny summer evenings on the Greenway, taking everything slow to accommodate our new family member. And it was a perfect, happy season. I think it was actually a year of more pure happiness than this past super-acheiving year was. I mean, the past year was happy in its own way, and you can’t really quantify that sort of thing… but when I look at these pictures, I just see us glowing with happiness. I think a new baby does that to you! It helps make you more of a Mary and less of a Martha (as in the Bible story of the two sisters). It brings quiet, sleepy joy into your heart. 

Happy New Year!
And, if you have a moment, say a little prayer for my self-esteem as I get fatter every day ;). 

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14 thoughts on “Looking Backwards for a Minute

  1. Kallah, I love it! Congratulations and I cannot tell you how much a year of peace is needed for this pregnant mamma as well. I've tried to push and yet the more sick I become. Hope things start to even out soon for you!

  2. Congrats!! I hope you're feeling more like yourself soon… and I'm looking forward to what you come up with for maternity fashion. 🙂 If it makes you feel any better, I'm totally not one of those cute, healthy, super-athletic pregnant mamas. I love me some cinnamon rolls and quality time on the couch.

  3. You are such a BEAUTIFUL Mama!! I am SO ridiculously excited for you and Jason and Will! Those pictures of baby Will are so adorable =)

    Also, for the record, I did wonder where your lovely blogs had gone to, but when I saw your post on New Years Eve I figured it all out 😉 Congrats again, I will definitely be praying for you!

  4. Congratulations! I think you should give yourself extra credit for working so hard to be healthy this past year since it gave you such a good foundation for these tough days of early pregnancy.

  5. Congrats!!! I'm so happy for you. August is a great time of year 🙂 I was super sick with all my pregnancies. Throwing up all day and such. Stay strong, it will get better!

  6. I'm reading this after our convo & I'm LOVING it. Because…I DID miss your blogs (I love yours bc it's personal & real; themes are contrived) but your holiday hiatus tipped me off to baby news prior to official Christmas confirmation. Furthermore, your year of health & achievement prepared you for this new season of pregnancy & expanding your brood; 'taking it down a notch' as you verbalized to me in NO way negates your health but shows remarkable maturity & humility to put your baby's needs above your own wants. That's motherhood. And when you return to those things-running, cooking to that degree, high activity, etc & feel discouraged at ground you may have lost-2012 will serve as a reminder that you are indeed capable of it & if you conquered it once, you'll conquer it again. Maybe in new & different ways, with more mouths to feed & more babies to rock.

  7. Catherine let me know the day before it went up on Facebook… SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS! I'm also glad to hear your perspective, having unrealistic expectations is WAY more unhealthy than *gasp* white bread. 😉 Looking forward to the continued return of your lovely theme-less blog. I feel like we should make a button or something… “Theme-less Bloggers of the World Unite!”

  8. Congratulations on baby number two! I discovered your blog after reading an article you wrote for Dignitas Magazine and I love your blog for its warmth. Praying the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and the morning sickness settles down!

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