Some things I have been thinking about: how funny it is that the grass really is always greener on the other side; how grateful I am to be in such a sweet, simple season of my life (despite the tight budget somehow I know I will always be nostalgic for this short happy time so early in our marriage and family); how happy I am for a diet of real food, the ability to run, and coconut milk (my new-found love… heaven with cereal); and my recent, frequent prayer for a spirit of contentment.
As he pulled up weeds and I sprinkled new grass seed and arranged the sprinkler, I kept catching myself getting too far ahead… “I can’t wait til I can afford curtains for every room!” and “Ohh I wish I could just go out and buy planters for an herb garden!” and “I want to travel so bad!”…
I have a few friends who are new mothers, but whose motherhood started almost ten years older than mine. These women are each so lovely, kind and humble – and oblivious of how I idolize them! – but they do experience certain advantages that often come with marrying and making babies later in life. Bigger houses, beautiful decor, nicer clothes, lots of toys for their babies, and the ability to go travel on exciting adventures with their families.
I know it’s not wrong to daydream and make plans for the future. But I hate when it keeps me from really enjoying the present moment.
I caught myself last night, and sternly forced myself to take a breath and let all of the blessings in my life sink in with the smell of new grass and the cool evening air.
It was humbling. I am surrounded by gifts from God.
Like these blossoms that popped up on the scarce-looking, untended azalea bushes in the front of our house…
I take these blossoms as a personal gift from God. 😉
And Jason is starting his MBA program this week at Queens – just a 10 minute drive from our house! I feel almost guilty even sharing this enormous gift… I know how rare and wonderful it is to have this opportunity!
I found a farmer right around the corner from my house who has a vegetable stand… I got things like a huge bag of fresh kale which made the most refreshing green smoothies. That was a simple but awesome gift!
You can’t have it all at once; this season when Jason and I are still basically just two kids who got married and had a baby before the honeymoon glow wore off… who are learning lessons in parenthood, finance, and home-ownership at the same time as simply growing up and becoming each other’s best friends… This isn’t the season of having money to travel and re-decorate and drive nice cars (or in my case, ride nice bikes because I want a Gary Fisher way more than I want a Lexus lol). It’s a simple, frugal season – and I know that’s what makes it beautiful.
I know that this is also one of the shortest seasons in your life – that early-twenties/newly-wed/first-baby season. My mom – shoot, even strange old ladies in the Grocery store – cant help themselves blurting out, “Enjoy everyyyy minute! You’ll always look back at this time when your first baby was little!”
I feel so blessed to just be so aware of this fleeting season. I want to fully embrace every minute of it! And the Penny-Pinching, Window-Shopping, Day-Dreaming, Envy-of-Older-&-More-Established-Moms-Temptation is all just part of the territory.
Someday… I believe… my ship will come in. And, most likely, I’ll look back wistfully at these days of skipping rocks on the water, so to speak, and learning to live with less.