A Life with Passion

I just watched Uma Thurman’s new movie, “Motherhood”, and was truly blown away. I expected it to be cute and full of laughs, probably just poking fun at yuppie urban full-time mothers. Which it was, and did. However, there was a whole depth to the movie, that of really looking at a woman, her huge desires, incredible strengths and gaping weaknesses; at times, it actually felt like this movie was attempting to put its finger on a certain sense of joy and meaning in a mother’s life, that can be evident despite the coffee stains and diaper changes, the moldy sippy cups and crusted old baby food on furniture. Moreover, I felt that it inherently connected womanhood to motherhood, something us post-modern, post-feminists are often scared to do.

I am going to be a mother sooner than later. I am a good Catholic, as is my fiancee, so we are both entering into marriage fully aware that fruitfulness is both a gift and a necessary aspect of those vows we will make to one another on the altar in a few short months.

However, despite the fact that I am the oldest of 6 kids and am well-aware of what a young, growing family looks and feels like, I have been experiencing occasional little jumps of fear and anxiety when it comes to motherhood.

For instance: Will I really be able to push a baby out of my body? Can I stand the pain? Will I actually wake up in the middle of the night, every night, to feed and rock my baby when necessary? Will I still be attractive to my husband when I smell like spit-up and can’t keep everything together? Will I have the patience to tend to my children 24/7? Will I have the presence of mind to keep the big picture in the forefront when all the little details bog me down? Will I be able to think like an intelligent adult when I am talking to 2 year olds all day long?

Will I be able to embrace the present moment of motherhood, the blessings as well as the pains, in such a way that I can honestly say I never took it for granted? In such a way as to enable me to count it all joy?

One of the characters in this movie asks, “What makes you want to live a life with passion?” This is a huge examination of conscience and a point of referrence.

What indeed.

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3 thoughts on “A Life with Passion

  1. Hey Kallah! Loved this post. There's no way to concretely know those things until they happen, I suppose. But God gives us grace and endurance, especially when we are doing things that please him.

    And I think you will be an AMAZING mother one day 🙂

  2. Kallah,

    Good post. I know EXACTLY those same thoughts, and having only 4.5 more months until the birth of our first child has brought on a plethora of new ones! 🙂 It's scary, it's exciting, it's helping me to mature faster than I thought I would or could. But I'm maturing because I should, because I want to be the best mother, the best example for my child. Even in my womb, I would give anything to ensure their safety and wellbeing. I watch what I eat to give them the best nutrition; I watch what I listen to, because they can already hear what I hear; I watch what I say, because they recognize my voice already; I avoid negative situations, because they can feel the stress in my own body. I think God gave us 9 months so we can start living as the parents we want to be.

    You have a great background, with so many brothers and sisters in the home. I had none, so for me, it's learning not to care more about myself, but my family. It's humbling and rewarding all at once.

    God bless you and your husband to be on your journey. God is there, even when you feel overwhelmed and alone in your struggles sometimes. You will overcome, it takes patience.

    God bless always,
    Amanda Pelicano

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